The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes, with everyone else’s highlight reel. Comparison is an act of violence against thy beautiful self.
A few months ago, I had to take some time off from my social media accounts, and even my own blog as I started to ‘unconsciously’ compare myself‘ to many other bloggers.
I began to really criticise myself badly and put myself down, as I just felt I wasn’t good enough, that I was ugly, old and just simply, not interesting enough.
I got sucked into the mad dark hole of comparison on social media – constantly saying things to myself like: why can’t I do flat lays like them? Why can’t my camera take pictures like that? Why can’t I look like her? Why can’t my Twitter / Facebook / Instagram grow like theirs? Why aren’t I getting the huge traffic to my blog? How can I improve to make people think I’m interesting enough to follow?
These questions and many others were repeated over & over in my head, and within time I started to feel like I was worthless, not good enough, not interesting and ugly, and soon my anxiety reached to such a level that I started to struggle with leaving my own home.
While social media is incredibly amazing to connect with people world wide within seconds and be one of the best tools for a blogger but when things aren’t going well, or you’re not getting enough likes on a post, or your losing followers or the traffic to your blog is low, it can destroy and crash your soul.
But you don’t need to be a blogger to get affected – it happens to everyday people too. Back in the day, you would compare yourself to models, entertainers by looking through a magazine …now, it’s basically pressing on an app from your own phone.
Once I took that time off social media, I took away the pressure of comparison to all the drop dead gorgeous and fabulous bloggers and decided once & for all to just be me. It was like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders and the heaviness of the pressure (on myself) went away. I embraced… ME.
I was able to work on my spirit and soul, enjoy time just watching my trashy television shows, read magazines and books – basically, enjoy life again. The simple life. I had to get my mind in check and find that warrior strength within me again.
No matter how strong you normally are, comparing yourself to others is the one battle you are never going to win – it’s a losing battle. I just wanted to share some of my tips that have helped me over the past few months and hope that they can help you too.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I am so guilty of this and I used to do it all of the time, but over the past couple of months I don’t do it as much.
But still it’s so easy to compare yourself to someone else when you’re scrolling through feeds of people who are doing so well, and here you are slogging away and questioning yourself what it is that you are doing wrong.
By comparing ourselves to others we are disregarding the beauty of ourselves. Don’t imitate someone else’s vision for your own as that is creating a sense of false entrapment, and also it’s no good for your own self-esteem, self-growth and self-love – and really, you lose a sense of who you are.
Minimize Your Time on Social Media
In this day and age, we all live on our phones. Regardless of how old you are, we are now a society of people who are focused on looking down at our phones, tablets, iPads and/or laptops. We are missing out on the beauty and wonder of life, going past us.
From the moment I would wake up in the morning, the first thing I would do is go straight onto my phone and check Facebook and Instagram. Then I would sneak in every moment possible at work, during my lunch break and again, when I would get home. My husband used to get so annoyed & frustrated whenever we would go out somewhere the moment we sat down, within seconds I would be there ticking likes, commenting on peoples posts and uploading my own posts too.
I slowly started to notice I was missing out on things that were happening around me, in the physical sense: family time, not concentrating on my work at my office job (it started to suffer) and my concentration ability wavered, and was noticed by work colleagues and my husband, but also, my anxiety returned full throttle.
I now limit my time on social media, and only allow myself 10 minutes four times a day (during my mid-morning break, at lunch time, afternoon break and again at night): a total of 40 minutes per day. I don’t always stick with that exact time limit but I do make sure I don’t go over an hour a day. It really does your head in, spending so much time glued down looking at your phone.
Outfit I'm Wearing Today
Always Remember You & Celebrate the Amazing You
Social media is an amazing place where we can connect with so many people from all different walks of life, around the world in a second. We get to upload our photos instantly, document our achievements, our special moments and happiness, but the thing is we never truly see what the story is behind the scene of that shot.
We only see the good and the pretty, but never the bad, the ugly, or the plain kooky or weird. A majority of us still have a fear of truly being ourselves and revealing who we are in case someone out there may belittle, laugh or bully us for being different.
I now refuse to mimic the way that someone else does a post – it’s just not reflective of who I am as a person, and what my personality, my tastes & likes are. I used to try to mimic a lot of the top bloggers Instagram posts, the way they posed and dressed, the way they did their flat lays etc etc …and in the end it got me so down, that I felt fake, and basically like another copy-cat in the super large ocean of Instagram. I knew that I couldn’t be like someone else, as I wasn’t happy anymore… I wanted to be me. So I changed my own game and decided to celebrate my personality, my eccentricities and my tastes, and reveal my stories.
I recently had a comment on a recent Instagram post where a follower said: “your posts always stand out in my feed because they aren’t generic like everyone else’s”.
Case in point: celebrate the wonderful you, always and be proud.
Change Your Thoughts
When you’re feeling so down, and negative thoughts are running through your head & you feel so unsure about things, it’s time to pull yourself aside and have a little chat: a little one on one time with yourself.
By changing the way we think can make a huge difference in helping us feel better about ourselves, and getting that confidence back. It won’t happen over-night but if you plant the seed of turning a negative thought around, you will soon see positive changes in your thinking and how your feeling. The energy in your spirit will radiate!
Start by writing down either in a journal what you are grateful for each and every day; what you like about yourself and what you are proud about yourself.
Write down on post-it notes positive affirmations, and stick them around on the bathroom mirror, the refrigerator, the bedroom wall, on your bed-side table and/or on the side of your computer screens. And repeat the sayings. It really does work and you will soon see a difference.
Remember we can never be like anybody else as we can only be the who we are. We are all unique, different and beautiful in our own ways. How boring the world would be if we all became like each other.
Be authentic and use that to grow and move ahead in life. Less time wishing to look like Kylie Jenner or any other top blogger, and more time on embracing the amazing and awesome you!
At the end of the day, people will respect, appreciate and respond more to you for being you’re own authentic self, staying true to who you are. So embrace it and use it to your advantage.
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What are some ways you stop yourself from taking part in the comparison game? I’d love to know in the comments below xoxo