are we there yet?
What I keep hearing over and over inside my head is, “are we there yet?” and “groundhog day!”. It just feels like this cycle has gone on like, forever! OK, I know its only just been seven days but seriously, it just seems I have been injecting these IVF drugs for what seems like years. Actually in some ways it kinda is true since I have been on this IVF journey for over like three years now and have done a cycle every two months. It all just seems like a ‘natural’ part of my life now. I don’t know any different. Well, except for these freaking raging hormones! I go from one personality to another in like a click of a finger. I hate this part of this journey. I don’t feel in control of my own thoughts and feelings, and by the time I realise what I have said or how I have reacted (it’s almost like I’m having an out of body experience), I slam on the brakes when I finally do realise what I am saying is a tad crazy. Sometimes its too late by then but luckily, the people that are around me (home and work life) know that it’s not ‘me’ per se, that it’s the drugs that are causing this freaking raging hormonal person. ARGH!
Ground hog day!
Here’s an example of what I do from the moment I wake up, go to work and come back home whilst I’m in the midst of an IVF cycle. You will understand why I call it, ‘ground hog day’ 😀
(alarm goes off at 6.58AM)
Get up out of bed. Zombie walk to the kitchen.
Grab out the Orgalutran from the deli compartment in the fridge.
Sit down, alcohol wipe a section on my lower belly and inject slowly.
Put used injection neddle and alcohol wipes inside the small hazard rubbish bin.
Go about my day.
Heat up the wheat bag in the microwave, place it over my uterus and ovaries, and wrap a scarf around my lower waist so it holds in place. Repeat again every 45 minutes for the rest of the day.
Keep feet close to the foot heater underneath my desk, as my chinese doctor always says to me: ‘warm feet, warm uterus’
Grab my pomegranate juice from the fridge, sit it on my desk to cool down (my chinese doctor says to not eat or drink cold things).
Wear thick socks and my ugg boots. Everywhere (this is the part where this fashion blogger incorporates everyday life situations into her style, and makes it look fabulous no matter what the situation is).
(come home from work)
Prepare dinner for hubby and myself, and our two furbabies.
Heat up the wheat bag in the microwave again, placed it over my uterus and ovaries, lie down on the couch to watch our shows.
Alarm goes off at 6.58PM: get up off the couch, hubby pauses The Vampire Diaries on the DVR for me, I grab out the Puregon, Menopur and Scitropin from the deli compartment in the fridge.
Sit down, alcohol wipe a section on my lower belly.
Mix up the Menopur, inject. Next Puregon, inject. Next Scitropin, inject.
Once all finished, grab all the used neddles and alcohol wipes inside the small hazard rubbish bin. Drugs go back into the fridge.
Go back to the couch, hubby presses play on DVR and we continue to watch The Vampire Diaries.
See I told you, GROUND HOG DAY!
Blood test and ultrasound day (again)
From what I could tell on the ultrasound, another follicle has turned up which now gives it six follicles that I now have. I need to think positive and not be down on myself. In the past with every other cycle, I’ve always had around 13 – 15 follicles and going to down to six is just making me feel like my body is starting to work against me. Maybe even shutting itself down, slowly. They do say that the IVF drugs that we take and collecting yoru eggs, given over a certain amount of time, can bring on the big M (i.e. menopause) alot sooner than what would have been naturally. Somehow, just somehow, I need to change my mind set around…
I do know from previous couple of other cycles ago when menopur had been part of my regime, I didn’t respond, follicle/egg wise all that great. Menopur is one of the drugs that I have always responded to extremely slowly in the past, so I feel (or shoudl I say, believe but I know the doctors and nurses would say I’m imagining that… but seriously, look at my cycle history with that drug) that could be why my little follies are just taking their time in growing.
Or perhaps it could be a good sign too! Maybe my follies are meant to grow slowly, so that the egg inside the follicles grows at a more decent rate and becomes of a better quality. Look, I’m trying hard to stay positive but who knows?!
I know, I know its all about egg quality not egg quanity. I don’t care who you are, don’t tell me you would not be disappointed and that you won’t compare you’re previous cycles to your latest one. (cue in a shrugging of the shoulders)
The IVF nurse rang me a few minutes ago and just said, “that everything is on track and we will have the ultrasound and blood test done again in three days time.” Er, say what?! ANOTHER blood test and ultrasound??! Oh come on! I really thought and believed in a couple of days I would have been going to egg collection. This cycle is just turning out to be a little bit more different that all of the others. I don’t know how to really feel or think about this one.
Please Lord, I beg of you… let this cycle by the one. I want my baby.I just want my baby.
COMING UP ON THE NEXT EPISODE: the final three days before the “drop off”