five tips to help you get through
I’ve learnt over time that life (or the universe) is constantly testing us, to see how strong we are by throwing us dodge balls every so often just to see how flexible we are by teaching us lessons, time and time again.
Staying motivated and upbeat 24/7 is freaking hard to do and when life decides to test you out or have a little fun with you by throwing those curve balls at you every so often, that soon enough over time you start to believe that nothing seems to be going your way. After a while you do start to believe that it wasn’t meant to be easy for you and you feel that is how you’re meant to be living your life: dodging those curve balls that you start to accept that as a way of life for you.
Generally I like to think of myself as a pretty happy and positive person. Now granted over the past few years, being on the roller coaster ride of IVF that has not always been made possible, which in turn flared up my anxiety – but I have bad days just like everyone else. Sometimes I think stress brings them on and I just want to scream at everyone, I get really anxious and jittery and break down crying, feeling so lost and alone. Other times I get a flat, empty feeling that for no reason and just get very tearful. But that’s life. I’m human. We are all human.
I know that when life gets so heavy and I feel like I’m drowning, I tend to forget things I should be focusing on and remembering, and only focus on things that I shouldn’t and remember things that really do nothing good for me.
So here are some good reminders for those bad days when you need a little extra reminding:
#1 YOU are OK. It might be a little shitty right now but you are a little bit more stronger each day
Remember you are OK. I hate to state the obvious and we all hate it when someone says you: ‘There a people out there a lot more worse thank you. You should be thankful”. Now as much as we all hate hearing that and in your mind, you have given them the evil eye look and you know what? It’s OK to be selfish for that moment and think what you are going through, is the worst – you are human. You have survived another day and you are stronger today than you were yesterday, even though you don’t you think or feel that you are.
I know with my own self, my mind is my own worst enemy. I create such crazy thoughts in my head and misinterpret things that people say to me (yes husband, I am acknowledging you here 😉 and text messages, emails are THE worst) and create such wild scenarios in my head that just are NOT even close to existing when I’m in a bad mood or on a downward spiral.
I know that after a while of feeling so down on myself, I remember that I have a purpose in my life – I have dreams and goals I want to achieve. I always go back to a particular moment in my life when I was 9 years old, and I was at swimming lessons held my school where I got severely teased by a group of kids because they could see I didn’t know how to swim. I turned that painful moment into a goal, a challenge and by the next couple of lessons I proved them wrong. I didn’t give in.
So don’t give up and please don’t give in – and above all, don’t let the darkness cloud your mind and soul. The sun is always shining on some part of your beautiful life. Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
Keep in mind that we all (to put it bluntly) fuck up every so often. We really need to stop being so hard on ourselves, and stop blaming ourselves for when things go wrong. It can be a case when we have let people take advantage of our beautiful natural and we think we deserve less than we really deserve. But you need to remember that sometimes we have at point in our lives given others less than they deserve. Two wrongs don’t make a right. It can be a case of letting our priorities and our boundaries get overtaken by the emotional destruction of the day.
Just remember that somehow amongst all the heartache and mind fucks, we do learn from our emotional breakdowns, and even though there are some things we can never recover, and people who will never apologize or acknowledge that they were wrong for letting you down etc, we now know better for next time. The power is in our hands, minds and hearts.
#2 Nothing is permanent. It won’t always be this way
I have moments when I can get really down on myself and beat myself up, and get into a dark place. Sometimes when the day is really dark, it can be hard so to see any sort of light, but you really have to try. True warrior strength (I believe in that we are all warriors – stronger than we really think) comes when you have cried as much as humanly possible (anyone else have an ugly face cry? I seriously do) and you’ve complained so much but yet somehow a rainbow in your soul appears and you start to smile and appreciate your life instead.
I know its so hard to see at that moment but there are so many blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you need to be willing to open up your heart and your mind to see them. Don’t force it, because really you’re not ready. You’re only going to drive yourself crazy from trying. A moment in time will appear out of the blue and you will have let it go. Let go and let what’s meant to be, just be. Stand as strong as you can – it’s going to pass.
#3 You can’t control it – stop worrying
The greatest thing my husband has ever said to me, apart from the obvious (‘I love you’) has been, ‘you can’t control it – stop worrying’. Those six words, literally changed my life.
Don’t get me wrong I still worry but I now don’t obsess over it. I just need to remind myself of those words and they help me tremendously. The basic root of our suffering during all the difficult times is worry. We worry about what’s going to happen next and imagining the most extreme , if not the most ridiculous scenarios (and I can tell you I am the queen of that!! Bah!). It’s all in our minds, our very imaginative minds. We sometimes make ourselves mentally sick and if not, physically sick for worrying more than we really need to. Like my husband, says – ‘You can’t control it – stop worrying’. At least try not to don’t obsess on it – let us focus on the here and now and not try to predict the future. I will, if you will.
#4 Be a little kinder to yourself
We all need to be our own best friend and treat ourselves with a little extra tender love and care. We need to accept WHO WE ARE and celebrate that. Just know and please believe, that you are that fucking fabulous and worth it babe!
Like I said earlier on, I can be my own worst enemy and think the worst of myself but when that rainbow of light finally makes its way in, I realise how silly (OK then, stupid) I’ve been and can see that even though I have my flaws, I’m pretty fabulous. So tell me why shouldn’t you treat yourself with love and respect – you know that YOU deserve it.
Just know that the better you feel about YOU, the more value you are able going to create for your world. If you can’t do a lot for yourself right now the just try to do a little – it will add up, and seriously all help and get you pointed in a much more positive direction.
#5 Stay positive
I know personally know the hardest thing is to stay positive when its so much easier to assume the worst and think negative. When I allow my emotions to spiral out control and fall into a downward spiral, I sometimes believe that the world is out to get me or that someone has put a spell on me (that’s for another post, another me – I ain’t joking). But in time I slowly remember (and get myself grounded again) that no one can fix me, except for myself.
There are going to be bad days that will fuck you up emotionally and mentally, but how you see things and how you feel are all in your control. Don’t let any of the bad stuff ruin or stop you.
Remember, that when you let a bad day get the best of you, its going to shoot you down mentally, emotionally and sometimes, even physically (also remember the mind is amazingly powerful) and those negative emotions end up flowing into every single part of your life like a bad virus. So change your mindset and you may shock yourself at what happens. It won’t happen straight away and it will take some time, but you will see developments.
Massive hugs to anyone of you who are going through a bad day/and or time. I am there with you by your side xoxo