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CHECK OUT SUSY #OOTD x TOBI

IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK

style-and-life-by-susana

As you all know I recently took a few weeks off the blog just because my actual grown up job was becoming more stressful because of the three storm events we had in Geelong (I’m a claims assistant at an Insurance Assessing company), the ending of a close friendship (??) that I believed was an honest and true friendship, and the also my anxiety reignited in me through everything around me was reawakened full throttle.

But what happens after all of that and whatever else gets thrown at you that you lose all motivation?? There are days when you have seriously none. Zip. Zilch Nada. All of your inspiration, your creativity, your will and strength is seriously gone, thrown out the window. Bye bye!

And if you’re like me where you suffer from anxiety and depression, well, things become a tad more out of control and you throw your arms up in the air and say, ‘fuck it!”. No, seriously. You just cannot be fucked with it all anymore!

We have all been trained to believe and act like we need to be strong. No seriously we do. But why is it that society makes us feel that we just have to be strong, 24/7? Its incredibly hard to even achieve. No mere mortal can do that!

How is it that I cannot express how I am feeling if I want to cry, scream at the top of my lungs or just curl up in a ball and stay all day in bed? Why is it that people/society looks down upon it?

style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana

OUTFIT I'M WEARING ABOVE

Arya Lace Up TopΒ by Tobi (currently on-sale), denim ripped skirt by Valley Girl and Neptune Over Thigh Boots by Tony BiancoΒ (currently on-sale)!!

style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana

OUTFIT I'M WEARING ABOVE

Locked In Love Strappy Back JumpsuitΒ by Tobi, blue military shirtΒ (no name) bought at a vintage store, floppy hat bought at Forever New andΒ Neptune Over Thigh Boots by Tony BiancoΒ (currently on-sale!!

When it came to this photo shoot – I willΒ be completely honestΒ I was a tad emotionally messed up still quite fresh. The friendship I have spoken slightly about, really has done my head in. I have been friends with this person for quite a few years and over time, we developed what I thought to be a true and honest friendship. I believed in it and even though the age difference between us is about 12 or so, we have been universally been connected through our life experiences. A true kinship. I guess in some way, I was like a second, ‘mother or sister figure’ for her, but either way, our life experiences brought us closer together and because I am older than her, I was and have been always able to give anΒ ‘elder’Β like advice.

I will be honest, I considered this person to be my best-friend. My sister. She was experiencing relationship pain that I had previously experienced before that I hadΒ to be there for her. However, whatever it is or whatever happened, she turned against me. She lied and I caught her out.. She disrespected and was dishonest towards this true friendship we both had developed. Β And that broke my heart and threw me completely off balance. I did all and so much Β for this one friend for so long. Perhaps it is my lesson in life to learn. Perhaps this persons journey in my life, was meant to end?

For many weeks this broke my heart. You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to have your heart broken. It can be whatever sort of relationship that can break your hear, tear apart your mentality and your spirit.

When it came to this photo shoot, my photographer/friend could see the deep sadness in my eyes. It was the first thing that stood out to her. My eyes. The sadness in them. I tried to hide it all with my quirky sense of humour but also having the Top 40 music blaring in the background on a boom box as the photos were being taken. But when it come’s to your soul, to your spirit, no matter what it is that you do to use to hide and mask your pain, its going to come though no matter what you try to do.Β You can run but you cannot hide.

The photo shoot turned out beautifully but if you know me like my photographer/friend has since we first started working together all those many many years ago in a medical clinic, she could see it. My heartache pain.

style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana

One thing I can definitely say is that feelings, well, they are temporary. They change from moment to moment. You don’t need to have an exact time allocated to them. As the saying goes: time will heal all wounds. They will heal and move on, when it’s their actual time. I know sometimes you can feel like you are spiralling out of control. I know because I am there every so often. I don’t want to be but I am. Because I am a persona that lives and breathes by their emotions, sometimes I can feel I am losing and spiraling out of control. And in some messed up way – it makes me feel in control. Seriously, major contradiction.

I was raised a roman catholic, so I have always prayed no matter what. I won’t go right now into my current actual religious beliefs are now but I still pray to this day. I pray to a higher God, to a universal higher figure. It helps me to feel connected in some way to a greater higher power.

What I have always allowed is to allow myself to have that one day of feeling so sorry for myself. Where I allow myself to lay on the couch or bed and just feel so miserably depressed.

Anyone else that says that you shouldn’t is talking shit out of their ass!! No seriously they are. If this is how YOU are feeling, then you need to do what YOU are feeling. Not what I say or what someone else says – you do as how YOU feel. Allow yourself to feel shit for 24 hours if thats how YOU want to feel. There is no right or wrong answer. I was once told by a Supervisor at a medical clinic that I worked at:Β ‘nobody can say what you feel is wrong. Because that is how YOU feel.”Β 

Make sure you’re not allowing yourself to spend more than 48Β to 72 hours on a couch or bed – because once you over that time, then you are seriously in a danger zone (reason being as it can deplete your motivation and energy). After two or three days, get up and start doing something around the house, no matter how big or small it is. It will help you in some weird way to work through your problems. You will see and know what you are meant to do and slowly refresh your thinking and gain a little motivation.

style-and-life-by-susana
style-and-life-by-susana

Allow to forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. I have done that WAY too often, and you know it doesn’t make it any easier in the end. The most easiest thing to do is to blame yourself for any problem that crosses your path or even your partner when they have pissed you office to highest degree. No matter what, despite all that you are feeling and suffering – learn to forgive the other person and more so, forgive yourself. Life is way to short to drag that crap around with you in the back ground on a daily basis.

I think that we all tend to be way too hard on ourselves, over analyzing every situation that plays out in our imaginative minds. Dissecting it bit by bit, and again then dissecting it all over again into more milli parts. Argh!!!!

So I’m here to say that it’s OKΒ not to be, OK. You’re more than allowed to change your mind, to take however many breaks in your life to get your mind, body, spirit and soul back into balance.

Don’t ever allow someone else to make you feel, you need to be OVER IT by now. Fuck no! You’re down in the dumps, you are suffering and you are hurting. You need to first look after youΒ and get where you need to be. We already have so much going on in the world, with so much extra stress and burdens put on, and into our lives that you just don’t need to blame yourself any more. Let someone else pick up the slack for their own fuck ups and put up your hand as if to say, no more. Don’t you add that extra load on.

Let me just say, it’s really OK to fall apart sometimes. It’s human nature. And you know what? You might be there again but at least you know it’s OK, not to be OK. Hugs to all of you xoxo

style-and-life-by-susana

OUTFIT I'M WEARING ABOVE

Melania Maxi DressΒ by Tobi, gold jacket (no name – bought at flea market in Portugal) and gold sandals by BanjaransΒ 

These garments were gifted to me for editorial consideration. Full disclosure policy here.Β This post contains some affiliate links. If you buy something via one of these links I may receive a small commissionΒ here.

                               Photography by Michelle Tulemija / location: Little Creatures Brewery, Geelong- Australia
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  • Thank you!! x

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  • Awwwwww thank you so much beautiful, that means so much to me what you have said, thank you xx

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  • Thank you so much beautiful xx

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  • Thank you so much for your kind words, my photography friend just takes the photos and I act out ‘scenes’ in my head/imagination. But will think about doing a post in the future about it xx

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  • So very true x

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  • Thank you so much beautiful xx

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  • Matea

    Wow.. love the text. Can you please make a blog post about editorial fashion photography? I absolutely love your images and would love to learn more about photography done for fashion blogs.

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  • Julian Palmer

    I totally agree with you, some of the times you have to take time off to recharge

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  • Nabeeda Bakali

    Love the picture and absolutely love your post. Great job!

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  • Ciaraboo

    Hey, i love your writing style, its very true to life and i can totally understand and relate to your feelings. The photos are amazing, the clothes are gorgeous and you look stunning. You can see a little sadness in your eyes but at the end you look really happy. I love the way the photos tell a story too. Im following you on Facebook!

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  • Zineb Saffron

    I am the queen of beating myself up over everything. Loved this post!

    Love always,

    Zineb

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  • It was hard at times but somehow I got through them. Thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words xx

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  • Thank you so much lovely x

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  • Jennifer Worrell

    It IS okay not to be okay! Loved your wisdom and your outfits are perfect! Your photo shoots are spot-on!

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  • Paula Czarnomska

    Like you said, who can or want to be strong and happy all the time? We need to have some times to be sad and depressed, to really feel the emotions and to be able to let them go. Sometimes strength comes from those weaker moment.
    Even though you were hurt you look fierce on these pictures and I love them. You nailed it!

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  • Its so hard isn’t it? And so sad. Thank you for your lovely comment babe xx

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  • Awww thank you so much babe! xx

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  • Grazia

    I completely understand what you feel about the end of our friendship. Some months ago it happened the same to me, a friendship of more than 5 years…I thought it was a true one. Anyway, stay strong! Great shooting!

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  • Chrissy

    I totally know where you’re coming from, and it sucks. But I’m so glad you’re doing much better. Plus, you look fierce AF, babe! x

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  • Thanks babe xx

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  • Candace

    Definitely don’t beat yourself up over the loss of your friend. It was obviously not your fault; you’ve done your part! Stay strong girl, we all break down at some point or another. You still look gorgeous in these pics!

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  • Thank you for you gorgeous words as always xx

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  • Thank you so much lovely xx

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  • Tough reality, but always helpful to hear “It’s okay not to be ok”… We all have to go through it. And although your into these moments now Susana, it couldn’t be traced with how you get up and show yourself with these beautiful OOTDs that you totally slay!

    God bless you always!
    JM Kayne

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  • Lea H

    WOW the pictures are stunning and so are you! Love both outfits and especially the jumpsuit. Really liked reading through your post as it’s always nice to hear how the pictures came about etc. and you’re so right – feelings are a fleeting thing!
    Lea, xx

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  • Hugs to you, thank you xx

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  • Thank you so much lovely xx

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  • So sorry that you had to go through betray from your great friend, it must be so heartbreaking. I totally get why you wanted to take a break from blogging with all these things going on. A break is healthy once in a while because it lets you take care of you and all the things going on.

    xo Sheree
    Posh Classy Mom

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  • Miss Kim

    So sorry you had to go through that kind of betrayal. Sending prayers your way. Don’t lose faith. Your pics game out great btw.

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  • Oh beautiful, my heart goes out to you!! Sending you massive hugs. We will rise above all adversity!! I’ve learnt over time, its OK every so often to take a beak from the blog – you just need to refresh the creativity and spark. Also, like you said, allow to feel those emotions and not bury them. Thank you for commenting and dropping by xx

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  • Most times I don’t feel so confident in front of the camera, I need to have that boom box near me with the music pumping out to get lost in it and just let myself, ‘go’. Thank you so much for your lovely words xx

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  • Thanks babe xx

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  • Thank you so much lovely xx

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  • Completely agree, great points you’ve made. Thank you for dropping by and commenting xx

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  • Hugs to you lovely xx

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  • Thank you so much xx

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  • Thanks babe, she is amazing my photographer friend! The 48 – 72 hour on a couch/and or bed is only a danger period only because it could just take away your motivation. I probably worded that incorrectly πŸ™

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  • I totally get you a 100%. I took a break from blogging as well; 6 months to be exact. I also lost an (what I thought has been) amazing friendship.Totally broke my heart and what he did, made me wonder and doubt a lot of things about myself (THE WORST FEELING EVER). I was so heartbroken. To add up, uni became a little bit more hard and I just couldn’t find the time and inspiration to write a blog post. As you said, I tried to “look brave and happy” but at the end of the day I realized i was leaving a lie and I needed to break down, feel whatever I needed to feel and come back stronger than ever. Thank you for being transparent with your feelings. Everything will be ok; I know it. Enjoy the little things about life. x

    Gato Martinez
    thecatflower.com

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  • I know you were in pain during this shoot, but this photo series was by far my favorite. You have so much emotion in the photos and you look beautiful. Your photographer friend takes amazing photos of you! I had no idea that 48 to 72 hours on a couch or bed is approaching the danger zone. This is a good thing to note.

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  • Jasmine Watson

    I’m so sorry about your friendship breakdown, i know how that feels πŸ™

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  • I’m a firm believer in the “can’t have the good without the bad”, or yin and yang. I really try to delve into my emotions and my thoughts when I’m feeling off or in a bad way. I try and discover why I’m feeling that way so I can understand it, and learn from it. You can’t do that if you simply try and “feel better” all the time. You have to embrace your feelings, so that you can understand them, and understand yourself when you’re finally ready to move on and get out of the slump.

    It’s kind of like how I really had to spend some time single in order to appreciate relationships more. I had to spend some time understanding myself and developing my own personality and likes/hobbies/opinions. Since then, I’ve been much more stable and understanding, and more caring in my relationships. It’s all the same, it’s okay to be “not ok” whatever that is, in fact, it’s necessary to actually grow.

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  • Jennifer Worrell

    I am so sorry about your lost friendship. That’s so painful! Your photos are beyond beautiful! Your style is awesome!

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  • Tully

    Oh Susana.
    You are right.
    It’s ok not to be ok. We are only human. But one thing I have learned from you is that you will pick yourself up and rise above it all when you are ready. You will be ok again. I can see thenrode happening and the sparkle will once again return to your eyes, and your heart will be happy again. Xx

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  • Aww sweetie, I’m so sorry that you’ve been so hurt and I really hope you start to heal from the pain she has caused you. You look amazing in all of these photos, I love your poses and you are so confident in front of the camera! I absolutely love the first lace up front top and that long black maxi dress, those are two items I could see feeling right at home in my wardrobe.
    Sending my love,

    Sophia x http://sophiawhitham.co.uk

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