Behind the Mirror – Living with Anxiety

behind-the-mirror-living-with-anxiety

I have had people say to me countless of times, ‘Suz, its all in your head – get over it.’  Seriously, do you honestly think I am imagining this, and that I want to feel like this?!

Mental health for a long time was such a taboo topic, one that pretty much either people who experienced any forms of mental health (anxiety, depression, bipolar etc) either felt confused, weird or ashamed. And then there was those who ostracized the people who were experiencing it.

Only until the past few years, perhaps that it has been finally accepted, maybe due to celebrities such as Jamie Lee Curtis, Britney Spears, Zayn Malik (ex-One Direction) and Sarah Silverman, coming forward and revealing their own personal struggles and experiences. I’m so glad as a human society we are slowly moving forward and becoming more accepting and open-hearted on topics such as these, as anyone in our own family an be suffering and we are taking a more stance on this.

I’ve read on a couple of blogs recently where you shouldn’t talk so much about personal issues or go into as much details about personal topics as it could deter readers. I can understand why they would say this but I feel as a blogger, one should speak about certain issues or personal experiences as there are so many out there who are experiencing just what I may be going through.

They might feel ashamed or feel alone or just feel that maybe their own family or friends might not understand them. There are so many who are suffering in silence and I know because I was one of them for so long and sometimes, preferred to seek ‘people/friends’ online (such as blogs, forums) because I could relate ‘to them’.

As you all know I have been so open on my blog about my struggles to fall pregnant and my IVF journeys, that I felt I should talk about an issue that has affected me since my early twenties and that over the past eight months has reared its ‘monster head’, regularly again and that is anxiety.

How anxiety started to become a factor in my life I really don’t know but I think I can pin point it to around the time I was in an abusive relationship that lasted around ten years.

It was my first relationship and it took a few attempts to really break the ties to him but I finally gained the strength to walk away and never return.

At this time, I won’t go into the deep details of the relationship right now but I can say that over time, I developed a deep panicked fear of my ex-boyfriend.

At the beginning we had a passionate relationship mixed in with firey arguments that I had never even seen with anyone else before. 

After three years of the relationship, and him returning back from living in Croatia with his parents (for two years), he changed. It became an extremely volatile relationship.

I became afraid of how his mood was going to be each day, he was like Dr Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde. Unpredictable. I wasn’t allowed to ever eat or drink unless he offered or said I could have it.  I had to always ‘ask’ what he would like me to wear the next day. When we argued… HE really argued. Not just with words from his mouth but also with his body.

For the next seven years I lived in complete utter terrified fear, so I guess from all of that and so much more, I think that may how my anxiety was born.

The signs for me when I’m about to have an anxiety attack is when my heart starts to beat faster, my mind starts to think on complete overload. Thoughts in my head start no making sense and I start to think of a million useless things. I become quite restless and I get so confused easily. My breaths start to increase, get deeper and rapid, and I start to hyperventilate.

I worry that my anxiety and depression are always going to keep me from being the person I have dreamed of becoming.

I know I’m about to lose control of my mind (and body) and break down. It’s when I’ve pushed aside the signs for a little while that I get to that breaking down point. I start to feel I’m constantly letting everyone down around me.

Every so often, when things are building up and I’m so stressed out, I get the strongest desire to run away. I don’t think it’s away from my friends, family and loved ones. I truly believe it’s to run away from this monster that every so often takes over my body, mind and spirit, and I lose track of those moments of who I am.

Over the past seven or eight months, on and off I’ve been suffering from anxiety all due to my work load at my full time job (I hadn’t had a proper holiday break in four years), the back to back IVF cycles I had been on for almost over three and a half years and now lately some family issues.

But if I listen to the signs and not ignore them, I can either stop it before it takes ahold of me or at least be able to calm the inner monster before it takes me over me completely.

The following is now my survival ‘kit’ to help me to cope:

  • EQ Control 50 by Natures Own (made from natural herbs – it helps to minimise the inner monster. I take this whenever I am feeling my anxiety returning)
  • Breathing exercises
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Go for a walk by myself (especially down near the beach) or take my furbabies for a walk
  • Write down my feelings in a journal
  • Talk about what I’m feeling with my husband or close friends …and if I feel I’m really not coping on a particular day(s) at work, I ring my manager and let him know & take a day off work.

 

Anxiety is a feeling that can come without you knowing why. It can make you feel breathless, swamped by fear and fighting the desire to run away.

 

For some people, anxiety or depression can get quite deeper and serious that you may need to see your Doctor or a Councillor and they may prescribe medicine to you such as Lexapro.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and at the beginning, I was given Lexapro but over time (through continued discussions with my Doctor and Councillor) I really wanted to try a more holistic approach and control my anxiety that way.

If you are able to find something that is of a holistic or a spiritual nature, that has a calming affect on your mind, spirit and soul, and that can bring you back to a state of calming & peaceful balance, then its all so worthwhile. But if you need prescribed medication, then that’s OK too. Your well being is so important.

Anxiety is a condition that really can’t be cured but it can be managed and everyone experiences anxiety (or depression) all differently and every remedy is different. Remember, we all handle our stresses, whether it be personal or work related, all completely different. The first step in the right direction is acknowledging and finding a solution.

No one needs to face their problems alone – please contact Lifeline in your country (for in Australia on 13 11 14, in the UK 01708 765200 and in America, on 1800 273 8255)

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

36 Comments
  • Style and Life by Susana
    October 17, 2017

    Thank you so much beautiful for your kindness and support xx

  • Savana Rae
    October 15, 2017

    This got me in tears. I feel your struggle. Beautiful to read but extremely sad. Xxx

  • That’s wonderful . Sending you hugs xx

  • U K
    May 18, 2017

    I got control over it with meditation and prayers and of course good wishes from friends.

  • Cassidy Ann; I AM SALTY
    March 28, 2017

    <3

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 27, 2017

    Its such a horrible feeling. My heart goes out to your husband xx

  • Twin Pickle
    March 27, 2017

    My husband suffers from anxiety and I always find it very useful to hear people talk about it because I’ve never really expeienced it myself. It’s very difficult to deal with an anxiety attack when you don’t know how it feels!

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 27, 2017

    Oh babe I am so so sorry. Massive hugs to you! xx

  • Theresa Marie
    March 27, 2017

    This is so powerful!! You’re not alone. I suffer from anxiety too and it’s from one day i was at work and there was a shooting. So you are not alone! I’m so glad you shared this xo!

    theresamariedaily.com

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 26, 2017

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read it xx

  • CassidyAnn Calman Prather
    March 26, 2017

    You are not alone dear! Thank you for being an inspiration to so many people that suffer from anxiety!!

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 26, 2017

    Thank you so much xx

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 26, 2017

    Thank you so much for the lovely words beautiful xx

  • Nidhi Arora
    March 26, 2017

    That’s a great post and so inspiring! And the survival kit is awesome! I have to bookmark this blogpost and head here whenever I am feeling low!

  • Style and Life by Susana
    March 25, 2017

    Thank you so much taking the time to read it and your kind words lovely xx

  • Julian Palmer
    March 25, 2017

    This is so inspiring that you are sharing what you are going through. I must admit that at times I get anxious as well but I have tried meditation and exercising. Thanks for sharing Susana.

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 25, 2017

    Thank you so much @clairelucy18:disqus for taking the time to read it and your kind words xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 25, 2017

    My ex grew up with the way his father treated his mother with physical violence and I think just saw it as normal, and did the same to me (I have a personal post about domestic violence in the pipe line for a future post – in the form of a short story I wrote many years to relieve what I was feeling and my emotions). Yoga and meditation help me with mild anxiety or feeling overwhelmed xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 25, 2017

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read it @findyourhappyplate xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 25, 2017

    Thank you so much @olivia I have seen a post like that too before and I completely disagree with it. When I have struggled with either IVF issues, anxiety etc and sometimes your friends and family just won’t truly understand completely because they have never experienced it, someones post who has put their feelings and experience on their blog will most definitely help you and give you comfort xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 25, 2017

    Thank you @danielleruppert:disqus for taking the time to read it. But it’s like how you said, sometimes its good to get it out there because there will definitely be someone out there who is going through the exact same thing as you and your post will be something that they can relate to and find comfort in xx Susana

  • Claire Tucker
    January 25, 2017

    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s great that you’ve found ways to manage it – I find yoga really helps when I’m feeling anxious and stressed as well! Hopefully this article will help others suffering from similar things!

  • Tereza Cityscape Bliss
    January 25, 2017

    This is such a deep post Susana. I’m really sorry about what you’ve been through – what a sad sad person your ex-boyfriend was. It always takes a sad person to talk advantage of others. I have experienced people like that but never for such a long time. I do suffer from anxiety from time to time, I think it’s mainly hormonal based but man sometimes I’m legit out of control. I’ll look into the herbal remedy you’ve mentioned, I didn’t realise things like that even existed. Yoga helps a lot and keeping myself occupied does too. Usually when I feel an anxiety kicking in I just clean something up. Like a proper deep clean. Might be a metaphor for my brain or something haha x

  • Danielle Ruppert
    January 25, 2017

    This is a great post especially since I also deal with anxiety. Sometimes it is hard to share your story but it is sometimes good to just get it out there because you never know who could be struggling the same thing or could be in the same situation. Thanks for sharing?

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 24, 2017

    Thank you so much @stephanie xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 24, 2017

    Thank you @candy xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 24, 2017

    Thank you @candace xx Susana

  • Style and Life by Susana
    January 24, 2017

    Thank you @kellyhoggons xx Susana

  • Style & Life by Susana
    October 17, 2016

    Thank you Malcolm for lovely comment. I am open to guest posts. Please email me directly at susana@susanalopessnarey.com if you are wanting to discuss further.

  • Malcolm
    October 17, 2016

    This post is really cool. I have bookmarked it. Do you allow
    guest post on your blog ? I can provide hi quality articles for you.

    Let me know.

  • Kelly Hoggons
    October 5, 2016

    So sad to hear that you’re struggling with anxiety. I know how difficult it can be, and I’m so glad you’re finding ways to help manage it! Just focus on doing the things you love and taking time for yourself xx

    Kelly x

  • Candace
    October 4, 2016

    I had an ex I was afraid of too. He wasn’t necessarily physically abusive, but verbal abuse is just as bad. He made the mistake of pushing me once off the steps of his mom’s and that was when I was done. I don’t do second chances with anything, plus I knew there were other men out there who would treat me way better. I blocked him, changed my number and haven’t talked to him since. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Anxiety is no joke.

    https://www.thebeautybeau.com

  • Candy
    October 4, 2016

    I have never fully experienced anxiety, so I can only imagine how difficult it may be to cope with anxiety. It’s great to know that there is help out there for those who need it. Thanks for sharing!

  • Rebecca Bennet
    October 4, 2016

    Such a great post! So well written and from your heart. I felt your pain. Also great tips. Thank you for sharing x

  • Stephanie
    October 4, 2016

    These are really great tips. It’s good to know we are not alone in this and to also have great resources to help ourselves and our friends when we struggle.